Why I write

The truth is: I cannot go without writing. I am not in this for the money. Okay, that’s a lie. I 1419117237_thumb.jpegwant to quit my day job and write for a living, so I do want to earn money writing. It’s just that I will continue to write, no matter what. I can even imagine myself being in prison being perfectly happy as long as I would have a notebook and a pencil, or a laptop nowadays.
As a child I’ve always written short stories. As a teenager I switched to fan fiction and erotica. It was the 90s, so the terms didn’t exist yet. But I’ve already written about this here.
During a time when I tried to be christian I’ve stopped writing. I’ve also quit writing for a long time while I was waiting for inspiration. Yeah, I really did. The magical inspiration I was waiting for didn’t come. I can’t even remember which story was my first one after that break.
I took a writing course in writing stories. It was there that I learned that I could write with an assignment. I could even write reasonably okay stories that weren’t erotica. They were written in the fantasy genre. I cannot write literary stories about every day life.
This is also why I never imagined a life as a writer. Dutch literature is about daily life and strange characters within it. I think it’s the same worldwide. I have never pictured myself writing a novel and presenting it to a publisher to have it end up in a bookstore.
The reason why I write in the erotica genre, which I consider to be part of fantasy, is that I want to escape every day life. I want to escape my mundane existence. When I write about the World Apart festival, it’s because I want to spend more time at the festivals that I visit in the Summer. And in my fantasy I can even go backstage and have sex with the drummer.
I truly believe that something happens in your brain while writing that makes you experience these things as if they are really happening. I don’t tell my characters what to say, I only have to listen. And sometimes my characters surprise me, like when Max told Leena he loved her. I remember telling that to my husband, because it changed the flow of the story. And my husband said: Then why don’t you just delete it? But I couldn’t do that. It wasn’t something that I had fabricated, it was something that my character had told me. So I had to deal with it.
So now I have chosen a career as a writer. I have published my first books, I have made the first money. I am making plans to move house and to quit my day job. Will I abandon this journey and give up like I have done with so many other projects in my life? I might give up on publishing, but I will never quit writing. It’s what I do. It makes me feel calm inside. It adds wealth to my life. It enables me to experience situations that would never be possible in real life. It is my life.

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