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Tell Me About – Questions
I identify as a submissive. How do I know? Am I really? And am I happy with this role in life? So many questions I have asked regarding my sexuality. I was aware and sure of it at an early age, but it hasn’t always been easy.
Early On
As a teenager, I explored many sides of sexuality. I read stories online, and I chatted with strangers. Soon, I discovered I liked fantasies with me in a submissive role best. I continued to explore it from there.
I read hundreds of stories online over the years and wrote a good number myself. When I was eighteen and in my first serious relationship, I got to experience it for real for the first time. Unfortunately, this partner wasn’t that serious about BDSM or relationships in general. It did make me certain it was the right path for me.
Second in Command
I am submissive all day, every day and always have been. I don’t care about being at the forefront or being the most popular. I prefer to follow someone else’s lead. And it’s not because I can’t decide or make my own decisions. It’s just what feels best for me and how I perform best.
Looking back at the retail jobs I had, I often was second in command. I did management tasks too. My colleagues enjoyed working with me because I ruled with empathy and would consider their wants and needs. I never needed to command them or raise my voice. Our working relationship was based on mutual respect.
Enjoyable?
Do I enjoy being a submissive? No. I sometimes wished things were different. Like my submissive male friend once said: I’d like to be cool and in charge, but that’s just not it for me.
I feel the same way. For once, I’d like to not be timid and be able to take charge and make demands. But that’s not me.
Essential
I know submissives play an essential part in society. After all, we can’t all be captains. And even though I may not be happy with the cards life dealt me, I try to be a good sub where I can. I do my work. I do my tasks, and I serve my Dominant. No, not always or all the time. I’m not a saint, but I wouldn’t want to be a doormat either. I try to keep my mind clear and push back when needed.
Difficult
Working for myself while being a submissive is extremely difficult. Every company reaching out to me wants to make use of my platform and me. My first instinct is to say ‘yes’ and accommodate their wishes, but that would leave very little room for my input and profit. So I put on my bravest face and tell them ‘no.’
Self-aware
I’m happy to know and acknowledge I’m a submissive. At least I know what to look out for and select my friends carefully. It’s not an easy life, but I guess it never is. I’m lucky to have a safe home with a husband who understands and protects me. And give me a spanking when the sub in me needs it. And so it all becomes well in the end.
I have been asking myself a lot of questions too, not so much whether I am submissive, because I know I am, but about D/s. We definitely can’t all be captains, and I tried to be, but it made me gravely unhappy. Sometimes it’s just good to reflect, like you do in this post.
~ Marie xox
It comes and goes, but sometimes it’s indeed good to reflect. In response to this post my husband said that it’s not that easy being a dominant either 🤷🏼♀️
I can appreciate where you are coming from with this post Liz and I find myself asking so many questions about my submission too. It sounds like you are naturally submissive in other areas and often I think this is where I have my issues. I don’t want to be in control and would rather not lead but unless things are done in a way which makes me feel safe to trust someone else, I find I can step in and do it myself. My work demands that I advocate for others, making sure their voices can be heard and so I am often fighting a system that lets them down. It can be hard to resolve this with my more submissive parts. Missy x
I can totally relate to this 🙂
I have great trouble trusting other people and especially if it’s about something I know how to do myself.
I can imagine it’s hard for you to advocate for others, having to ‘raise your voice’ in a way, instead of being able to keep your head down and do your own thing. I’m sure you’re doing all right, though ☺️
A sober assessment of your role is half the battle.