Drained by Bondage

Weekend Fun

Last weekend I was at a rope event. Bear in mind that I am new to the off-line BDSM-world. All I’ve ever done with bondage was at home. Ninety per cent of the time was in the comfort of the bedroom.
I love attending these peer-ropes. I’m still amazed at how safe it feels and how everyone is willing and able to share the love for each other in a group of, well, peers.

Surprisingly Hard

Of course, I was in bondage too last Sunday, as is my role in these events. I had chosen a dragonfly-sleeve from the book. My husband had adapted the book’s example with extra knots, and others were asking how he had fixed this since it’s easy for this design to slip down. So he explained and showed them, with me as the model. This was hard on me.
While discussing the day, during the evening, I told my husband how that episode had been draining for me. He exclaimed incredulously: “Did that cost you that much energy? Why?”
I, on my part, was amazed by his surprise and it got me thinking: why did it drain me so?

People are Scary

The first two reasons are relatively simple. I’m an introvert and new to doing bondage in public.
Being an introvert makes every outing in public draining. I prefer to spend my time in my room, alone, behind the computer. Being around other people is draining me by default, even while being in the company of friends. I love how it gives me energy, how friends can offer new viewpoints or how they make me laugh, but it’s still tiresome. I know I have to deal with it sometimes, in order not to become a complete recluse.

Where to Look

I’m new to doing bondage in public. I have no idea how to compose myself. I feel extra awkward looking people in the eye. I can make small talk now while in bondage, but it shouldn’t get anywhere close to anything sexual. I can sort of talk about sex, though it’s a whole lot more difficult to me than you’d expect from a sex blogger and erotica writer, but okay.
Looking another Dominant in the eye, while talking about something nearly sexual: no, that goes too far.

Objectified

Back to being used as a bondage model. I’m wearing clothes, so it’s not like they’re staring at my naked body.
So why did it drain me so? Because next to the fact that I get aroused from being in ropes, it hit my objectification-fetish. Hard.
In my mind, and maybe in real life, too, I was being used as an object.

Benutz mich

They are studying the ropes around my body and the technique with which they were they were bound. I was interchangeable with a sack of flour. That realisation made me float. My objectification fetish was finally coming true. I relished the fact that I was treated like a sack of meat, or flour. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything.
I mean, I could walk away, but in my state of submission, I couldn’t. I only had to be.

Energy Drain

And that state of submission and being was draining.
I don’t often get to let go. No matter what, I’m always in control. And here I wasn’t. Three Dominants were studying the ropes around my body, and there was nothing I could do.

Gimme More

Looking back, I’d love to do it again. I’d love to be back in that helpless position. I didn’t worry, only about not fainting, due to not eating and drinking enough. But that was all that was on my mind.
Tie me back up, study the ropes and drain me. It was this submissive’s ultimate dream.