How Important Aftercare in BDSM Is For Me

I hate aftercare. Usually, when my dominant and I play, we round off our play with an orgasm for me. And after an orgasm, I just want to sleep. I’m not one of those who like to cuddle and kiss afterwards. I want to turn around and go to sleep.
But I’ve come to know the forces that we’re dealing with over the years. In a previous relationship, we didn’t do any care afterwards and, looking back, it has lead to dangerous situations. So, have I learned from my mistakes? Do I endure aftercare nowadays?

No Aftercare

My previous lover wasn’t a very caring man. He loathed everything to do with emotions. His knowledge of BDSM and all its intricacies was minimal. He thought BDSM was hot and he loved putting me in chains and making use of his power. When I was single during the time before I met my now-husband, we hooked up a couple of times. I longed to have sex again, since I had come from an a-sexual relationship in the years before, so everything was exciting.

Woozy on the Train

I remember two instances clearly. The one time was when we played and had sex together, and I had to travel home afterwards. I remember feeling all woozy and tired. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I was in subspace the whole time still. I didn’t have a drivers license at the time, so I went home by train. This took me about an hour and a half. I got home safe, but knowing what I know today, things could have ended differently. If the wrong person had looked into my eyes during that train ride, I don’t know what could have happened.
After the other instance, I walked over to my friend’s house. That wasn’t as dangerous as the train ride traversing the country, but it should have been handled differently. Just like with the train ride, I remember feeling all woozy and weird after just having had sex and some BDSM play, and then having to switch to regular conversations with my friend and her family. It wasn’t fun.

Sub-space

Years later, I found a text online regarding sub-space. I sent it to my then-boyfriend, now-husband, and he knew what it was about without even reading it to the end. He was aware of what sub-space was and the importance of after play. Ever since reading that text, I take better care of myself in this respect. I now, sometimes, recognise when I drift into sub-space, and I make sure we’re safe at home without plans of going anywhere or meeting anyone soon after.
When I’m at a rope-event which sometimes puts me in a rope-induced subspace, I make sure to stick close to my husband afterwards. Sometimes we go out for dinner with friends from this group, so again I make sure I stay close to the people that I trust.

Every Time

After regular play, a spanking, bondage or a combination of both, I make sure to cuddle with my Dominant afterwards. I hate it, and I would much rather go to sleep, but I do it anyway. My husband knows this, and he too insists that I lay in his arms after play. Being embraced by him for only ten/fifteen minutes (or sometimes longer, since I’m not great at keeping time during and after play) is precisely what I need to slowly come back to earth. It gives my mind the right space to journey back to the normal world and get readjusted to everything normal. And yes, after that I still often fall asleep, but I’ll wake up in a happy place, though maybe with a sore butt. But at least I will have been safe.

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