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A New World
First of all: congratulations! This is an exciting new part of yourself you’re about to explore. You may find that many of the BDSM power relation dynamics are already in your life.
You’re already acting in a submissive way to your partner, but you never realized it could be part of this lifestyle. Or you are the one making the decisions and commanding how you want things to go in the bedroom. That’s great!
Joining the realm of BDSM comes with many responsibilities, for both sides of the spectrum, both Dominant and submissive, but most of all it comes with a lot of fun. Let’s see what I think is the best place to start.
Dream, Dream, Dream
So you have uncovered you like BDSM and want to know more about it. Now what?
I have one answer to this question: Fantasise.
Too often, I meet people who are new to the lifestyle, and when I ask about what they like, in a personal setting, of course, I get generic answers.
‘I saw it on TV and thought it was hot.’
‘I read Fifty Shades, and now I’m curious.’
‘I’ve always liked these things.‘
I Like BDSM, Now Investigate
These aren’t wrong answers or bad ideas. But don’t stop your research there. Be curious. Find out what options there are because there are endless options out there.
Take bondage, for example. Do you want to be tied by rope or with cuffs and chains? And in the case of rope, do you want the knots to be intricate or should they merely be functional? Investigate. Google blogs and images and find out what appeals to you.
Read erotic stories. One great website with a lot of content is www.literotica.com, or check out the publication on Medium I’m writing for too: https://medium.com/tantalizing-tales. Try different genres, different themes. Do you like to read about men in control? Women in control? Do you like the spanking stories? Or the ones with lots of mind play?
Most importantly: check your own body and see how it responds to the different themes and fantasies. When does the tingle in your nether regions become most apparent? Does it happen when you fantasize about being tied up and being helpless to what the Dominant does to you? Or when you dream about a submissive kneeling at your feet, massaging your feet and waiting for the next command?
Let Your Ideas Germinate
After reading the stories, let your mind wander. See where it takes you. What images appealed to you most? While touching yourself, what scenes you read do you most wish happened to you?
I’ve done this for many years myself, for lack of a real-life partner. It helped me to uncover my deepest fantasies, what fetishes really turn me on, and which don’t. Because yes, some ideas go too far, even for me.
Doing this has helped me to find a partner with similar interests. I knew what I was looking for, and I was able to express my wishes and dreams.
What I mean to accomplish with this advice is that you distill your preferences so that when you do go out there and start talking to people, you will have a general idea of your likes and wants.
Be Brave
And don’t just watch videos online. Those are only other people’s fantasies brought alive in a visual format. Of course, they’re exciting, and there’s definitely a time and place to watch these videos, either alone or with a partner. But train your own mind too. Don’t just absorb other people’s fantasies. Create your own scene in your head with what you would like to see happen. That’s how you uncover your real dreams.
Have Fun, Don’t Rush
Everything will seem new and exciting when you find out about BDSM for the first time. But please, before you rush in, take a step back, read what you can, explore your mind, and listen to your body. During this stage, nothing goes too far, and nothing is wrong. And be honest, it’s not such a hardship to masturbate as an assignment, now is it?
August 2021
Added the link to Tantalizing Tales, added a featured image, and added it to F4Thought website. Information is still up to date 🙂
Great post liz – i think the “have fun – don’t rush” bit is very important
May x
Yup, many people have the tendency to want to experience all at once – the more extreme the better, but sometimes it’s better to take things slow
Lots of great advice here and I liked the focus on fantasy and where that could lead. Missy x
Thanks 🙂 I feel it’s important for people to discover what they themselves like best and not follow other people’s fantasies blindly.
Better to move gradually, step by step.
Some great advice there, especially the don’t rush. So many people, myself included, try to run before be we even learn to crawl
Thanks for sharing xxx
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Often, the video is staged in nature and has nothing to do with the desires and fantasies of those who are filmed in them. But, nevertheless, it makes it possible to learn something for yourself and determine what you like and what you don’t. So by collecting information bit by bit, you can collect your own image. It is important not to make mistakes and not be disappointed right away.