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A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon Steven Rodriguez on Spotify through a friend’s recommendation. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to write about him, hoping that my blog could provide him with the extra exposure needed in the vast sea of information on the internet. And yes, I realize my blog’s size and how this equates to even less than a drop in the ocean, but you never know.
Somehow, I never got around to writing a blogpost about his music. Now, Steven has released a new single that resonates with me on so many levels.
The title, “Anxiety,” is something I’m familiar with, unfortunately.
The first verse contains the lines:
“That sound of silence
Rings so loud I go insane“
The phrase, “the sound of silence,” hits me hard. I believe I’ve even mentioned it on my blog before. No, this blog post is not about Disturbed’s version of that song. The phrase also appears in Saltatio Mortis’ song “Orpheus” in the final verse:
“Und wenn deine Stimme
Nie mehr für uns Singt
Soll’n wir erfahr’n
Soll’n wir erfahr’n
Wie laut Stille Klingt“
Which translates to “how loud the silence sounds”
Even writing these lines makes me emotional. The thing is, when you’re alone and gripped by anxiety, it’s all-encompassing. Anyone will say, “Don’t be stupid. Just turn on the TV or put on some music; it’s the 21st century, you don’t have to suffer from silence.”
However, for me at least, I won’t turn on music. The idea doesn’t cross my mind. Instead, I follow my thoughts, getting deeper into my fears and losing myself along the way.
This comes up in the chorus with these lines:
“I fabricated all this pain
Well, I’m out to get me
The doc’s got nothing to explain“
That’s what anxiety can do. You fabricate pain. And that pain can be anything – from a headache, toothache, numb arms, or even a literal heartache. The doctor will indeed find nothing wrong with you. I cannot count how many times I’ve gone to my GP with pain somewhere and, like in this song, the doctor can’t explain it. Even regular painkillers don’t help, usually because you’re so high-strung, even a painkiller doesn’t know where to start.
“Four in the morning
I flip my sides a dozen times“
This is precisely what I do. I flip from left to right while unable to find any sleep. It’s flipping every minute, but still unable to find a comfortable resting position.
“Would someone hate me
If I woke my family and friends?“
Usually, I don’t even think about this, as it’s a huge hurdle to jump. Now that I live with my husband, who knows I sometimes suffer from anxiety attacks, I’ve woken him a few times, knowing he doesn’t have an early morning the next day. But it’s not an easy thing to do.
“Can’t sleep, it’s a quarter after four.
Can’t sleep, it’s a quarter after four.
Can’t sleep, it’s a quarter after four.
Can’t sleep, it’s a quarter after four.“
Lyrics from https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stevenrodriguez/anxiety.html
This verse is the most impressive one in the entire song. That’s how time passes when you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack like this. Yes, repeating this to yourself while unable to sleep is extremely ineffective and likely to work against you getting any rest. But your subconscious will lead you there anyway.
Although this song by Steven Rodriguez is only a little over two minutes long, I believe the lyrics are extremely fitting, and his voice is perfect for bringing this emotional piece to life. I think it sounds positive and upbeat when you’re not listening to the lyrics. Just like he sings with the words, “Hey, I’m fine.” I think this song is a masterpiece that perfectly describes what anxiety does to you. I think it might even explain it to people who have never experienced it. What it did for me was letting me know that I’m not the only one who feels this way now and then. And that realization by itself is a great feeling.
In conjunction with Google’s beta version of NotebookLM, I’ve created this podcast episode with AI on the basis of my blogpost and the song’s lyrics. I thought it was intriguing. This is the link to Google where you need to sign in with your Google account: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/d3566741-0fd1-4f60-b7f1-d995123d3af0/audio
This is the audio file separately:
