Mistakes: Shards of Bowls and Hearts

All Mistakes are Evil

Mistakes and I aren’t the best of friends. I was raised with the concept that all mistakes are wrong, and should be avoided at all cost. I remember taking dictation in primary school and writing ‘professor’ with two ‘f’s. The spelling is the same in Dutch as in English. Back at home, my mother scoffed at me how I could have been so dumb. There was no sensitivity whatsoever. No kind words like: ‘at least now you learned the correct spelling,’ or ‘it had been an easy mistake to make.’ The conversation to me was yet another confirmation that all mistakes are evil.

On the other hand, I once met a wise woman, who said that, if she tried something one-hundred times, she hoped to fail ninety-nine times. Even today, I still have difficulties grasping that concept.
When I look back at my own life, I see several instances that other people would have marked as a mistake. Despite my complicated relationship with the term, I see that differently.

For reasons of anonymity, I have chosen not to name either of these three men.

Kind, Dependable and Vanilla

1. ‘It was a mistake to enter a long-term vanilla relationship.’

From the beginning, the little voice inside of me this boy wouldn’t be right for me. He had completely different interests than me, and I soon discovered he was completely vanilla. He didn’t have a kinky bone in his body. In a way, this was like a breath of fresh air from the relationship I was coming from. And you know what else? He was completely dependable. He was there for me, always. Not too much emotionally, but he never stood me up. He answered the phone when I called him. And he was kind, intelligent, and funny. The only reason I broke up with him is that I longed for more. I definitely need some degree of kinkiness in my life.

Old and a One-Track Mind

2. ‘It was a mistake since he was thirteen years older and only wanted you for sex.’

This one is tougher. I’m somewhat inclined to indeed see this relationship as a mistake. But I know why I made the choices that I made.
I was eighteen and horny and curious.
I already met this man for the first time when I was sixteen. There was always something of sexual tension between us. The day I turned eighteen, which is the legal age for sexual relationships in my country, we spent the night together and started our relationship.

The first six months were amazing. He taught me what sex could be like. We experimented with BDSM together.
I could hardly believe my luck that such an attractive, mature man would want to be with me.
After those six months, things turned sour. He would disappear for weeks, while I became lonelier and lonelier. That part of the relationship was definitely a mistake.
But the first few weeks? Nah, not at all. It shaped me and showed me things I had only dreamed of, could exist in real life.
It’s only somewhat of a mistake.

Shy Teenagers

3. ‘It was a mistake not to tell him of your crush.’

sigh This is the only regret I have in my life, maybe even my one true mistake.
The boy was my high-school crush. The way I remember him, most of all was as being funny and witty. We hung out a lot together. We did drama in school together, and also hung out after school. So why did I never ask him out?
I don’t know.

Suddenly he was in a relationship with another girl, and soon after we graduated and lost sight of each other.
I still wonder if it could have worked between us. I sometimes daydream about us getting together, twenty years from now, in one of those ‘lost loves’ TV-shows.
Yeah, this is is definitely a mistake.

Mistakes have their Purpose

Looking back, only the last one I will qualify as an actual mistake. I would have been a different person, had I not had these experiences I had with the two ‘wrong’ life-partners. It paved the way for my current, happy relationship with my husband.
Does that make dealing with mistakes any easier for me, knowing it has changed me for the better? No. Two days ago, I broke a bowl, and it ruined my entire day.
Unfortunately, life is rough, and mistakes are an inescapable part of it, shards of broken bowls and hearts and all.